2 Corinthians 2 vs. 13…IT IS WRITTEN…I BELIEVE THEREFORE HAVE SPOKEN….in the same Spirit of faith I believe therefore I speak.
Its amazing how what you know can determine your exposure to the performance of the purpose set before you. It is also amazing that in spite of the role information plays in the performance of the will of God in our life, we carelessly ignore the need to study the word of God.
The bible records that Paul tirelessly moved to spread the gospel irregardless of the challenges that came his way. In that same vain, one would expect that we in this generation would defy the odds and pursue whatever it is that God has called us to do but unfortunately that seem not to be the case as all we ever do in the face of challenges is to relent and reframe from further pursuing the cause of vision and purpose hoping to be free from oppression by relaxing a bit.
Let me remind you that there’s nothing such as freedom as you only choose what you’re bound by, we cannot in the name of challenges refuse to do that which we’ve been called to do. I strongly believe there’s a battle for the performance of the purpose of God and we are supposed to be the last arsenals but we seem to be distracted by too many other “on the side” purposes which in themselves are not bad but we need to understand their place in the equation of God, we cannot serve the creation in place of the creator hoping to find fulfillment. We are bought with a price, there’s a need for you to begin a re-evaluation of the purpose of God and ask yourself what have we and how is what we have currently expected to benefit the purpose of God and we need to also ask, am I really using what I have for the furtherance of the purpose of God…..then and only then can we begin to appreciate the warning that a laid back believer is no believer at all, he or she is another prey for the devil.
Back to the need for information to drive our conviction, Paul knew to what extend he had been called to spread the word, you and I need to understand the magnitude of expectation God has placed on us. When the bible records it is written, its simply implies that a lot has been written either on earth or on the throne of God that requires our attention, if anything has been written about the performance of the vision in your life, you can only perform that vision to the limits of the information you have, similarly the difference between the knows and the know not is seen in the activities they engage in, not to mean activity determines focus but I strongly see that the knows are often focus driven and less quick to succumb to distractions while the know not always diversify at every given opportunity.
When a believer begins to feel laid back, it simply implies that a lot of his or her time has been spent on distractions. The enemy wants you and I to be busy, he wants you to loose focus and the best way to let that happen to give legitimacy to our pursuit for happiness. Unfortunately, a lot of us are found giving in to this deception. Its is amazing how many people work to be happy whereas one of the things I am discovering daily is that whatever minor objective would bring you the right enable-ness to achieve the major objective of serving the lord does not require all the effort in the world to make work, not to mean we should quit our jobs and stop pursuing any of the set goals in our life but you just need to understand that God never subjects the workability of a project to your hard effort, its not about hard work, its about smart work.
It is written, if the same spirit that raised up Jesus from the dead lives within you, it world quicken your mortal bodies…… we see that the quickening is done not by our effort but by the spirit of God. I strongly oppose the need to slave through life seeking to achieve what God has already done. The need to be successful in the pursuit of God and his purpose is supposed to take centre stage in all our getting but what do we see, we tirelessly work and work to see that we achieve our mundane needs. Another car would be nice, another house would be nice, another this and another that and life is spent working to achieve the less important things of life. It is written that the value of a man does not consist of the abundance of his possession; it is also written that you are bought with a price; if this be the case then we need to act as though we understand where our commitment should be. There’s a need for young adults and old hands alike to reevaluate the crux of their commitment and ask each other to what end is our pursuit of happiness when the central reason of been here is left un attended to, I believe when this page called time is over, we’ll see the reality of what we’ve done and God help us if we fall short of his expectation.
It is written, the that know their God shall be strong and do exploit, its obvious that we can only do as much as we know, so its important for every child of God to seek to study and pray, recently I said to a grouped of believers, invest in prayer and again I say invest, the next moment I got thumbs up from each and everyone saying word, word. I was shocked, I expected we’ll go think about it and begin to practice what was said, we often are quick to put the emotion before the crux of the matter, I regard the emotion but can we be quick to remember that beyond the words there’s a place for action. So I say to you and every one out there, invest in knowing what God has written about your current situation and again I say invest.
There’s a place for falling in the calendar of God, not to say we should fall but he made allowance just in case we fall, now quit complaining of how hard you fell and stand up, dust yourself and lets go, the journey is far and we cannot continue to be laid back. Pick up your bible and read, it’s the only way to be able to say like Paul is written.
The bible record in revelation 3.20 behold I stand at the door and I knock…..let this article serve as another knock or call on you to awake and dig deeper into the mind of God as it concerns the call to duty. It is written my friends, call upon me in the days of trouble and I will answer. Those days are here. I hope you’ll call.
041009/4am LAG/NGR
Friday, October 09, 2009
Saturday, October 03, 2009
THE BIG PICTURE OF YOUR PAST
In the big picture of your experience, the solution to many of the present relational issues are hidden in the dark pages of past relationships we seek to totally forget. Isn’t it so funny that the best place to hide a solution to glaring problems is the place we’ll gladly reject an invitation to attend-heart breaks.
Within the dark pages of your heart breaks lies the wisdom thread (thin small hint of what you did wrong that cost you the most intended precious love you where building) to the most certain possibility of avoiding the next heart break; by simply looking into whatever it was that ended that relationship and looking at it without any bias, we might isolate the part that would help you become a better person.
Heart breaks hold the keys to stable relationship at much later stages in life. That’s why it becomes very dangerous to get involved with persons that have no story to tell about heart breaks yet you’ll ask why so many persons with lots of heart breaks cannot keep meaningful relationship either at work or within the family, the answer can be found in their continuous refusal to revisit the story of their heart breaks because in it is concealed the solution to their present predicament. The above principle can be easily supported with the popular business module that says an entrepreneur that has not handled the crises of a failed or failing business cannot be regarded as a reliable; because the amount of pressure you’ve handled in practical sense often determine the level of exposure to possible future scenarios. You would also argue that there are certain things in life we have to take lessons from other people’s lives and probably relationship to you are meant to be one of such but I beg to also remind you that there are practical lessons that no amount of explanations or study of another persons life can give full knowledge of. I.e. a girl in love can never explain in words to her friends how it feels. Similarly the positive advantage of a broken heart can only be seen in those who have being able to revisit the events that transcended in that relationship and view them as lessons rather than a snare. For so many as a result of stories told by broken hearted people; have faced the fear of getting involved thereby finding themselves in a rather worse state than those with hearts broken, for the fear of the unknown is often worse off than the things itself. Relationships are meant to be eye openers to the realities of life which I believe are needed to deal with other more demanding phases of our lives.
In mentoring it’s believed that a mentor can only give what he or she has a good knowledge of and I doubt if you’ll be able to properly mentor your kids in the face of the lingering fear you face by not stepping beyond the bitter encounters you’ve had in the past.
Look at the brighter side of your heart break; it caused you to be hardened, not to refuse the future expression of love but to ensure you express those feelings to the right persons.
Failure according to John Maxwell is the stepping stone to greater heights. Similarly we need to begin to see the issues that confront us in relationship scenarios as part of what develops us in holistic perspective.
The bigger picture of every event in your life would help deal with present fears that present it self whenever you seek to make decisions. I don’t expect you to jump in and out of relationship but I also don’t expect you to dwell on the bitter experience of the past and refuse to take new step, sometimes in trying to forestall events of the past from occurring in the future, we introduce very stringent measures so no one can access us, its more like we build a wall around ourselves hoping whoever can crack the wall would be worth giving our heart to but I say; that’s as wrong as not learning any lesson from what ever hurt you in the past relationship. A lesson learnt only makes you more refined and helps position you properly to make decisions without bitterness. It’s more like the skeptic is a realist gone thru fire and is bunt while an optimist is a realist gone through fire and is refined.
Your encounters are not any different from that of the girl next door neither are the different from the man above the ladder, the only obvious difference is the perspective from which both look at it.
Every story of a broken heart often leaves out the positive side of the break up, be it as it may, you can hardly be sure of the story; seeing that only one person is available to tell the story and its often a hurting person, but if you ever have the opportunity to hear both sides of a break up, you’ll realize both side have a good claim to whatever it is they fight to establish.
I spend time talking to a lot of young people and all I get is what the other person did wrong or what he or she didn’t do right, of course we get the “I know I had my own faults” once in a while but its very clear the objective of the person sitting right in front of me is to blame at the expense of taking responsibility for whatever went wrong.
I get questions like what do I do next? And I always say WAIT..because if anyone every comes looking for a solution to their heart break, I believe the cure is in the last relationship they’re not willing to deal with and please I need you to understand that dealing with the past is not about saying I’ve dealt with it, because I meet people who claim to have dealt with their past on this issue but the moment the issues resurfaces, the amount of energy the exert on showcasing that other party as wrong obviously shows there’s still a lot of bitterness they have not let go of and its almost impossible to advice them to move into another relationship without first clearing the backlog of issues hanging of their heads.
Your ability to see the good side of your past heart break at the expense of the negative side which always presents itself determine whether or not you did see the good in the past heart break.
The objective of specific failure is to prepare you in isolation to deal with other attempt by future events to drag you into total failure.
A sum of all isolated events is your life assessment and it can either be good or failed so rather than see isolated events as the totality of your life, I suggest you begin to understand those events as singulars that need to be studied to forestall their reoccurrence.
I was able to deal with my broken hearts only after I began to see them as part of what made me strong, my story with Lisa only got better; in that the moment I started to see the events as building me to become a more stable person, it became easy for me to let go and at that point I began to get busy doing other things rather than dwelling in the possible reasons for Lisa’s silence thereby building new thought pattern which where rather too unhealthy for me at that point.
At every point in your life, you need to refocus your attention on the good that comes from whatever seemingly negative encounter you’re facing. Its called bringing closure, this is what great men like Darwin where known for; in that at every point of his life as a scientist, he failed in isolated events but it never stopped him from pressing on to study how to make a light bulb.
Within the dark pages of your heart breaks lies the wisdom thread (thin small hint of what you did wrong that cost you the most intended precious love you where building) to the most certain possibility of avoiding the next heart break; by simply looking into whatever it was that ended that relationship and looking at it without any bias, we might isolate the part that would help you become a better person.
Heart breaks hold the keys to stable relationship at much later stages in life. That’s why it becomes very dangerous to get involved with persons that have no story to tell about heart breaks yet you’ll ask why so many persons with lots of heart breaks cannot keep meaningful relationship either at work or within the family, the answer can be found in their continuous refusal to revisit the story of their heart breaks because in it is concealed the solution to their present predicament. The above principle can be easily supported with the popular business module that says an entrepreneur that has not handled the crises of a failed or failing business cannot be regarded as a reliable; because the amount of pressure you’ve handled in practical sense often determine the level of exposure to possible future scenarios. You would also argue that there are certain things in life we have to take lessons from other people’s lives and probably relationship to you are meant to be one of such but I beg to also remind you that there are practical lessons that no amount of explanations or study of another persons life can give full knowledge of. I.e. a girl in love can never explain in words to her friends how it feels. Similarly the positive advantage of a broken heart can only be seen in those who have being able to revisit the events that transcended in that relationship and view them as lessons rather than a snare. For so many as a result of stories told by broken hearted people; have faced the fear of getting involved thereby finding themselves in a rather worse state than those with hearts broken, for the fear of the unknown is often worse off than the things itself. Relationships are meant to be eye openers to the realities of life which I believe are needed to deal with other more demanding phases of our lives.
In mentoring it’s believed that a mentor can only give what he or she has a good knowledge of and I doubt if you’ll be able to properly mentor your kids in the face of the lingering fear you face by not stepping beyond the bitter encounters you’ve had in the past.
Look at the brighter side of your heart break; it caused you to be hardened, not to refuse the future expression of love but to ensure you express those feelings to the right persons.
Failure according to John Maxwell is the stepping stone to greater heights. Similarly we need to begin to see the issues that confront us in relationship scenarios as part of what develops us in holistic perspective.
The bigger picture of every event in your life would help deal with present fears that present it self whenever you seek to make decisions. I don’t expect you to jump in and out of relationship but I also don’t expect you to dwell on the bitter experience of the past and refuse to take new step, sometimes in trying to forestall events of the past from occurring in the future, we introduce very stringent measures so no one can access us, its more like we build a wall around ourselves hoping whoever can crack the wall would be worth giving our heart to but I say; that’s as wrong as not learning any lesson from what ever hurt you in the past relationship. A lesson learnt only makes you more refined and helps position you properly to make decisions without bitterness. It’s more like the skeptic is a realist gone thru fire and is bunt while an optimist is a realist gone through fire and is refined.
Your encounters are not any different from that of the girl next door neither are the different from the man above the ladder, the only obvious difference is the perspective from which both look at it.
Every story of a broken heart often leaves out the positive side of the break up, be it as it may, you can hardly be sure of the story; seeing that only one person is available to tell the story and its often a hurting person, but if you ever have the opportunity to hear both sides of a break up, you’ll realize both side have a good claim to whatever it is they fight to establish.
I spend time talking to a lot of young people and all I get is what the other person did wrong or what he or she didn’t do right, of course we get the “I know I had my own faults” once in a while but its very clear the objective of the person sitting right in front of me is to blame at the expense of taking responsibility for whatever went wrong.
I get questions like what do I do next? And I always say WAIT..because if anyone every comes looking for a solution to their heart break, I believe the cure is in the last relationship they’re not willing to deal with and please I need you to understand that dealing with the past is not about saying I’ve dealt with it, because I meet people who claim to have dealt with their past on this issue but the moment the issues resurfaces, the amount of energy the exert on showcasing that other party as wrong obviously shows there’s still a lot of bitterness they have not let go of and its almost impossible to advice them to move into another relationship without first clearing the backlog of issues hanging of their heads.
Your ability to see the good side of your past heart break at the expense of the negative side which always presents itself determine whether or not you did see the good in the past heart break.
The objective of specific failure is to prepare you in isolation to deal with other attempt by future events to drag you into total failure.
A sum of all isolated events is your life assessment and it can either be good or failed so rather than see isolated events as the totality of your life, I suggest you begin to understand those events as singulars that need to be studied to forestall their reoccurrence.
I was able to deal with my broken hearts only after I began to see them as part of what made me strong, my story with Lisa only got better; in that the moment I started to see the events as building me to become a more stable person, it became easy for me to let go and at that point I began to get busy doing other things rather than dwelling in the possible reasons for Lisa’s silence thereby building new thought pattern which where rather too unhealthy for me at that point.
At every point in your life, you need to refocus your attention on the good that comes from whatever seemingly negative encounter you’re facing. Its called bringing closure, this is what great men like Darwin where known for; in that at every point of his life as a scientist, he failed in isolated events but it never stopped him from pressing on to study how to make a light bulb.
A CASE AGAINST RESERVATIONS-Relationship management
Developing reservations often comes from the inability of a loved one to see that he or she is stretching too far the bearing attitude of the other party, reservations become unspoken views hoped that with-holding such views would keep the relationship at the possible best. It’s often discovered that the person developing reservations are always desirous of seeing the relationship work; to which extent they are willing to forgo their views so that the other party would enjoy the needed peace which they desire to be seen in the relationship.
Reservations as interestingly sincere as they might be, aimed at keeping us away from squabbles are almost an unhealthy thing as we see that the party in the know of the reservations bear a lot in mind hoping that the recipient of this seeming understanding would come to his or her senses on the said issue and forthwith desist from patronizing the events that has led to the developed reservations, but often times, the other party never really gets to do that expected as the reservations has deprived the said party the privilege of knowing the dissatisfaction of the person with reservations.
Reservations are used to channel a lot of energy into hoping and trusting that things would change. In relationships, reservations are used to propel optimism and a lot of energy is needed to keep that optimism high. In the event that such optimism ends up not yielding the needed results, it’s discovered that the out burst of rage and disappointment often leads the reserved party to indulging in the same exercise he or she vehemently sort to avoid.(a passionate pursuit of break up)
There are obviously many reasons why you might want to hold back your views in a relationship and I beg to say they all tailor towards keeping the relationship alive, all under the pretence of understanding, but like earlier said, such seeming understanding is also depriving the other offending party the needed information for change.
Information is a strong component in propelling change, however there often comes a time that information is with held in view of the seeming realties, those realities might range from the past refusal of the other party to accept what might look this an opposing view; to the fact that the time and place might not seem quiet appropriate to disseminate such information, so we try to either delay the release of information or completely avoid the release of information.
Whichever be the case, delaying or with holding information often seem helpful in relationship management but looking properly at what might be considered as the strength of a relationship, we’ll say the amount of information we have about each other enhances a great deal of trust which in turn strengthens the relationship.
The underlining truth about dissemination of information in relationship is always not to try to hold back needed information rather understanding the need to sieve the information to meet the objective of keeping the other party informed without necessarily causing grate damage to the person concerned, you might say that in itself seems like with-hold or dissemination of incomplete information but you also need to remember that the objective of information dissemination is to empower the recipient to function in the right capacity and not to destroy the physiological frame work of the party receiving the information.
Sieving information is in itself a function of understanding of the personality receiving the information. We can sieve without taking away the needed facts, however if the information host is not fully in tune with the needed level of understanding of the information recipient, then its strongly advised you don’t try sieving information, its better to look for other alternate channels to use in dissemination of that information. I might suggest the use of a third party, possibly a person with a better understanding of the information recipient or issue involved.
I also want to identify that there are instances where third party might not be appropriate; i.e. when its an emotional relationship, its often advisable to deal with the issue on ground as an inside or closed family issue rather than publicly declaring;(however, if in a closed family or emotional setting, there might be a threat on life, it’s highly advisable to introduce a third party) because at times the third party might in an attempt to handle the issue on ground dabble into areas he or she has little or no prior knowledge of. This type of complications are seen every day as we try to mange relationship without understanding the nitigrity of what might be needed to deal appropriately. There is obviously a need to develop sensitivity in your pursuit of a peaceful relationship, the sensitivity helps you develop the good use of discretion in matters arising.
Reservations are strong pointers to the possibility of a break up, we need to be more subtle and less confrontational in our quest to air our opinion, the central objective of information dissemination in a conversation between two people is to help address issue, at such there is no need to be harsh and confrontational as this only produces defense and aggression from the other party.
A subtle presentation of the information can and might help encourage a better explanation of the issue on ground. Human nature vehemently opposes any attempt to force out explanation of issues that relates to ones self. Similarly it’s important to remember that the party on a quest for issues to be address is the major beneficiary of the explanation so a lot of patience is needed if you’re going to hear the crux of the matter.
Relating with people is a more complex job than building 100 storey building as the major implement for such a construction still remains people; so if you can successfully manage your relationship with people getting the needed information out of them without touching a loose thread, then a lot is bound to be achieve in virtually every area of your life.
In trying to maintain reservations and managing understanding, its best you patiently seek the strength of character with is a strong implement in developing a good use of discretion in human relationship management.
Break ups are often not without backlog of unexpressed reservations and at some point an improperly managed attempt to demand explanations for issues arising from the relationship.
Reservations as interestingly sincere as they might be, aimed at keeping us away from squabbles are almost an unhealthy thing as we see that the party in the know of the reservations bear a lot in mind hoping that the recipient of this seeming understanding would come to his or her senses on the said issue and forthwith desist from patronizing the events that has led to the developed reservations, but often times, the other party never really gets to do that expected as the reservations has deprived the said party the privilege of knowing the dissatisfaction of the person with reservations.
Reservations are used to channel a lot of energy into hoping and trusting that things would change. In relationships, reservations are used to propel optimism and a lot of energy is needed to keep that optimism high. In the event that such optimism ends up not yielding the needed results, it’s discovered that the out burst of rage and disappointment often leads the reserved party to indulging in the same exercise he or she vehemently sort to avoid.(a passionate pursuit of break up)
There are obviously many reasons why you might want to hold back your views in a relationship and I beg to say they all tailor towards keeping the relationship alive, all under the pretence of understanding, but like earlier said, such seeming understanding is also depriving the other offending party the needed information for change.
Information is a strong component in propelling change, however there often comes a time that information is with held in view of the seeming realties, those realities might range from the past refusal of the other party to accept what might look this an opposing view; to the fact that the time and place might not seem quiet appropriate to disseminate such information, so we try to either delay the release of information or completely avoid the release of information.
Whichever be the case, delaying or with holding information often seem helpful in relationship management but looking properly at what might be considered as the strength of a relationship, we’ll say the amount of information we have about each other enhances a great deal of trust which in turn strengthens the relationship.
The underlining truth about dissemination of information in relationship is always not to try to hold back needed information rather understanding the need to sieve the information to meet the objective of keeping the other party informed without necessarily causing grate damage to the person concerned, you might say that in itself seems like with-hold or dissemination of incomplete information but you also need to remember that the objective of information dissemination is to empower the recipient to function in the right capacity and not to destroy the physiological frame work of the party receiving the information.
Sieving information is in itself a function of understanding of the personality receiving the information. We can sieve without taking away the needed facts, however if the information host is not fully in tune with the needed level of understanding of the information recipient, then its strongly advised you don’t try sieving information, its better to look for other alternate channels to use in dissemination of that information. I might suggest the use of a third party, possibly a person with a better understanding of the information recipient or issue involved.
I also want to identify that there are instances where third party might not be appropriate; i.e. when its an emotional relationship, its often advisable to deal with the issue on ground as an inside or closed family issue rather than publicly declaring;(however, if in a closed family or emotional setting, there might be a threat on life, it’s highly advisable to introduce a third party) because at times the third party might in an attempt to handle the issue on ground dabble into areas he or she has little or no prior knowledge of. This type of complications are seen every day as we try to mange relationship without understanding the nitigrity of what might be needed to deal appropriately. There is obviously a need to develop sensitivity in your pursuit of a peaceful relationship, the sensitivity helps you develop the good use of discretion in matters arising.
Reservations are strong pointers to the possibility of a break up, we need to be more subtle and less confrontational in our quest to air our opinion, the central objective of information dissemination in a conversation between two people is to help address issue, at such there is no need to be harsh and confrontational as this only produces defense and aggression from the other party.
A subtle presentation of the information can and might help encourage a better explanation of the issue on ground. Human nature vehemently opposes any attempt to force out explanation of issues that relates to ones self. Similarly it’s important to remember that the party on a quest for issues to be address is the major beneficiary of the explanation so a lot of patience is needed if you’re going to hear the crux of the matter.
Relating with people is a more complex job than building 100 storey building as the major implement for such a construction still remains people; so if you can successfully manage your relationship with people getting the needed information out of them without touching a loose thread, then a lot is bound to be achieve in virtually every area of your life.
In trying to maintain reservations and managing understanding, its best you patiently seek the strength of character with is a strong implement in developing a good use of discretion in human relationship management.
Break ups are often not without backlog of unexpressed reservations and at some point an improperly managed attempt to demand explanations for issues arising from the relationship.
NATHAN OPTION
Kings have always had an exceptional place in the society, basically everything they do sets the pace for future generations, in fact kings of old were much more revered compared to kings of our time as they were often seen as the representatives of the gods in the African setting and I believe in every other civilization that existed before us.
At such one would want to imagine the cost implication on anyone that choose to stand against a king. To understand the cost impaction, we might need to bring out the fact that a king loved by many would see himself as having the capacity to indulge and even determine what might be called right.
In fact seeing that the king in question was ordained by a higher power, the king definitely should be seen as a supreme personality; that’s why an opposition that had barely been mentioned in the king’s previous event would do wrong to object to the kings actions.
That and more was the case for Nathan the prophet.
Nathan had a message from God, a message that puts the integrity of the king, the one great king at stake. A tale of infidelity and murder right in the chambers of the executive; at a time when the nation was fighting to retain the sovereignty given her by God; Imagine in recent times, having such as- the war on terror going on and such a tale is told of any president of any Nation, trust me, that’s the kind of thing Nathan had a lead on and to make matters worse, his lead was from God and he had a mandate that was not negotiable, the king maker been God had Nathan deliver a message and trust me, he had options, either to make the message look friendly or don’t even say nothing; i.e. sorry God, I took ill, will deliver the message next week….but no Nathan went ahead in spite of all that might go wrong standing against the king. Nathan chooses the King makers option, he choose to deliver the message without editing the content or the gravity. Nathan choose an option that might cost him his job, him family and more.
Nathan option is basically a look at series of issues; call it events that would offer new arguments and by that we replicate the courage of Nathan in our generation.
Like the great king, we are a generation of exceptional intelligence, where everything can be argued right, where almost anything is obtainable and seeking to argue against puts us at the same position Nathan found himself.
Like Nathan, I choose to speak the revelation for this exceptional generation, like Nathan there might be glaring cost and possibly argument that seek to nullify the purpose of our revelation but I and many others choose to declare these option hoping that the generation like the king would do the wise thing--- CHANGE
To mange this change we seek to look critically at various scenarios and take counsel from both living and past leaders who have successfully kept the option of adhering to God’s standards.
At such one would want to imagine the cost implication on anyone that choose to stand against a king. To understand the cost impaction, we might need to bring out the fact that a king loved by many would see himself as having the capacity to indulge and even determine what might be called right.
In fact seeing that the king in question was ordained by a higher power, the king definitely should be seen as a supreme personality; that’s why an opposition that had barely been mentioned in the king’s previous event would do wrong to object to the kings actions.
That and more was the case for Nathan the prophet.
Nathan had a message from God, a message that puts the integrity of the king, the one great king at stake. A tale of infidelity and murder right in the chambers of the executive; at a time when the nation was fighting to retain the sovereignty given her by God; Imagine in recent times, having such as- the war on terror going on and such a tale is told of any president of any Nation, trust me, that’s the kind of thing Nathan had a lead on and to make matters worse, his lead was from God and he had a mandate that was not negotiable, the king maker been God had Nathan deliver a message and trust me, he had options, either to make the message look friendly or don’t even say nothing; i.e. sorry God, I took ill, will deliver the message next week….but no Nathan went ahead in spite of all that might go wrong standing against the king. Nathan chooses the King makers option, he choose to deliver the message without editing the content or the gravity. Nathan choose an option that might cost him his job, him family and more.
Nathan option is basically a look at series of issues; call it events that would offer new arguments and by that we replicate the courage of Nathan in our generation.
Like the great king, we are a generation of exceptional intelligence, where everything can be argued right, where almost anything is obtainable and seeking to argue against puts us at the same position Nathan found himself.
Like Nathan, I choose to speak the revelation for this exceptional generation, like Nathan there might be glaring cost and possibly argument that seek to nullify the purpose of our revelation but I and many others choose to declare these option hoping that the generation like the king would do the wise thing--- CHANGE
To mange this change we seek to look critically at various scenarios and take counsel from both living and past leaders who have successfully kept the option of adhering to God’s standards.
DECISION MAKING
Actions of a man can show a lady how much she’s loved by the man, but often times a lady still seek to feel what she know about the way the guy loves her. It only makes us want to ask what feeling is important in the fact of the knowledge that comes from an encounter with the said Guy.
Women are in everyway different from men in that where a man would presume that the knowledge the lady has is sufficient to act upon, the lady on the other hand strongly believes the best of her decision is made when she combines knowledge with feelings.
The woman appreciates a man that understands how she feels while a man on the other hand respects the lady that appreciates his effort.
Understanding your relationship is a function of who you are and who you’re dealing with, a lady needs to see that a man is completely an opposite of her and vice versa for the man.
Decision making for a man is opposite of what is it for a lady. Investing into the emotional wellbeing of a lady guarantees the possibility of a successful relationship.
Women are in everyway different from men in that where a man would presume that the knowledge the lady has is sufficient to act upon, the lady on the other hand strongly believes the best of her decision is made when she combines knowledge with feelings.
The woman appreciates a man that understands how she feels while a man on the other hand respects the lady that appreciates his effort.
Understanding your relationship is a function of who you are and who you’re dealing with, a lady needs to see that a man is completely an opposite of her and vice versa for the man.
Decision making for a man is opposite of what is it for a lady. Investing into the emotional wellbeing of a lady guarantees the possibility of a successful relationship.
G.I.R.L.S
G.I.R.L.S is short for Godwin Igonoh Review's Life Situations. Part of what I seek GIRLS as a group would achieve is to help our society understand relationships and how best to channel our energy towards redefining Love so we can help young people deal with current issues of living and loving in our time; we’ll use scenarios and real life events to harness the opportunities embedded in the diversities of our experiences.
GIRLS offer a platform for everyone to share and get insight from opinion shared*
Bridging the cultural gap within Nigeria has never been so needful, the hold of tribalism and a dogged quest to conquer the opposite sex in a generation that is supposedly enlightened and Godly is alarming. Never has there been such contradictions between education, exposure and inability to let go of native practices that seek to outrun one over the other. Practices such as Man over woman, woman before man, who run’s this house and who owns who in a home, who rules and who is ruled.
Checking the pages of African history, you’ll see sordid encounter of people trying to prove their point of supremacy, its never really been clear where it all started from but the issue of co-existence goes way back as man and woman hardly stop blaming each other for what went wrong, when their effort should have been spent on fixing whatever had gone wrong.
In Nigeria, it’s been one parent blaming the other for the turn out of the child and the child blames the parent for his or her turn out, the fight goes on, but the issue we always ignore is-who can fix this. My answer remains... we have to fix this, and each person must take responsibility at every point and begin to build capacity to handle the issues arising. From our new relationships to our aging ones, we need to begin to be responsible for our actions and in-actions.
GIRLS like many other groups over the years would put out projects to support the development of the Nigerian mind to take responsibility for where we are and where we need to be, it’s a serious thing when the presumed productive percentage of a community refuses to realize that they have grown, and need to start dealing with life issues as people who can and will survive the times.
Therefore from my finances to my quest for a relationship, I need, you need to begin to reflect on what you did and what you have to do, for decision affects destiny. The degree of in-actions in the average upcoming Nigerian professional exceeds the actions taken thus far. We seldom resort to faith and am invisible hand of God to help restore what we never had. You cannot expect where you have not invested…so in the issue of love, life and wickedness, we all need to begin to reminisce on what we ought to do to achieve objectives and to correct mis-objectives.
The past is past and the future we can harness if we look into the now and build without guilt and fear of the unknown.
GIRLS
GIRLS offer a platform for everyone to share and get insight from opinion shared*
Bridging the cultural gap within Nigeria has never been so needful, the hold of tribalism and a dogged quest to conquer the opposite sex in a generation that is supposedly enlightened and Godly is alarming. Never has there been such contradictions between education, exposure and inability to let go of native practices that seek to outrun one over the other. Practices such as Man over woman, woman before man, who run’s this house and who owns who in a home, who rules and who is ruled.
Checking the pages of African history, you’ll see sordid encounter of people trying to prove their point of supremacy, its never really been clear where it all started from but the issue of co-existence goes way back as man and woman hardly stop blaming each other for what went wrong, when their effort should have been spent on fixing whatever had gone wrong.
In Nigeria, it’s been one parent blaming the other for the turn out of the child and the child blames the parent for his or her turn out, the fight goes on, but the issue we always ignore is-who can fix this. My answer remains... we have to fix this, and each person must take responsibility at every point and begin to build capacity to handle the issues arising. From our new relationships to our aging ones, we need to begin to be responsible for our actions and in-actions.
GIRLS like many other groups over the years would put out projects to support the development of the Nigerian mind to take responsibility for where we are and where we need to be, it’s a serious thing when the presumed productive percentage of a community refuses to realize that they have grown, and need to start dealing with life issues as people who can and will survive the times.
Therefore from my finances to my quest for a relationship, I need, you need to begin to reflect on what you did and what you have to do, for decision affects destiny. The degree of in-actions in the average upcoming Nigerian professional exceeds the actions taken thus far. We seldom resort to faith and am invisible hand of God to help restore what we never had. You cannot expect where you have not invested…so in the issue of love, life and wickedness, we all need to begin to reminisce on what we ought to do to achieve objectives and to correct mis-objectives.
The past is past and the future we can harness if we look into the now and build without guilt and fear of the unknown.
GIRLS
DESIRE
Desire we say is a longing for satisfaction.
In my dealing with people I have come to understand desire from a different perspective. when you ask people about a project and the say its not working, we seem to begin to ask what effort they have put into the said project, that’s because desire propels effort, however low effort might equally mean poor desire, there are projects that we undertake out of cheer experience, we felt like without really asking ourselves if we really desire to pursue that project with everything we have.
Life without desire is somewhat a life without achievement. Desire is the propelling force behind achievements, we cannot achieve beyond our desire to work on that thing.
Like desire, patience is the cost of desire, without patience it is impossible to effectively produce the result of your desire.
Patience gives strength to desire while the dept of your desire determines the length to which you are willing to wait to see it achieved.
I have had occasion to undertake projects and at some point, I began to wonder if there really was any need to embark on this project, seeing that there seem to be no result after over one year of waiting, as a Christian I have prayed and trusted God to what looks like no avail, I strongly invested my effort in to doing all that’s needed without any quest to cut corners but to my dismay, every passing day seem to take me away from seeing my dream come through.
Now that’s the way it works, life might never be nice to you when you have such a strong desire to achieve an end, its very easy to ask if we did all there need to be done, I perfectly agree ,because there are lots of us that expect to achieve without doing the needful, however I also believe a lot of us young people do what’s expected and still end up having to get to the point where we ask is there really any point to invest in the project called life.
I will also add that in economies where things seemingly are working, the developed countries I suggest, its easy to see effort as the reward for an objective, its easy to see the working system and say it applies to all, but I beg to disagree that even in America, there are young vibrant minds that invest in projects, long hours and commitment but nothing seem to come out and we ask-is there really any point to invest into this project called life.
The good news is that, desire has a propensity to create the medium for that goal to be achieved; desire is the axe head needed to bring down the results of our months of planning and hard work.
Desire as simple as it is must be tested and to actually ascertain the extent of your faith in the project, we must get to that point where we seem to wonder why the result never seems forthcoming.
Like my project that almost seem like it was not working, there are so many young eager lives that have tried to set standard aimed at reviving their dreams but somewhere along the line, there has been reason to quit, some are on the verge of quitting and I have few words to say to us.
Quitting only affirms the fact that you were never really ready to pay the price of desire, remember the size of your dream often determines the extent to which you’ll have to wait or better said, the cost of your dream is determined by the size of your dream.
When we begin to desire to live decent lives, we begin to desire expensive and difficult test that are meant to determine to what extent we are willing to pursue that objective of living a decent life.
Life has its test for every objective; both the thieves and the good guys face the same challenge of determining to what extent they want to achieve their set objective.
I encourage you to wait, pay the price of desire and see the end of your dream, I am waiting in several areas of my life, I am waiting to see the growth of my business, I am giving time to all that I have set my mind to achieve, because time acts on everything and I believe every one that wait often sees the result of what they have invested in.
Like a relationship, waiting brings the best of people we believe so much in, its often said we wait on a lady to become what we see in her, I believe a lot is said to justify impatience now called decisiveness, we have redefined every opportunity to practice patience as a need to be straight and forward about what we want, not to say been straight and forward is a bad notion but I strongly suggest that advocates of straight and forward should also be quick to remember there a place for patience, I take a look at the lives of great men, presidents of nations and one thing I have discovered is that, as much as the seek to protect the sovereignty of their people, they always take time to consult and then make decision, its not always, we see the government act as swift as the situation might seem to warrant, I also believe this comes with age and experience, I believe; that also is the reason why many nations don’t entrust their leadership into the hands of young men.
There are strategies for war and they might not always be same for every war ,in fact they are never same for any 2 wars so I believe life needs a lot of patience, be patient enough to see your desire come to pass.
That’s the word for the season.
09042008 Time 7.30pm
In my dealing with people I have come to understand desire from a different perspective. when you ask people about a project and the say its not working, we seem to begin to ask what effort they have put into the said project, that’s because desire propels effort, however low effort might equally mean poor desire, there are projects that we undertake out of cheer experience, we felt like without really asking ourselves if we really desire to pursue that project with everything we have.
Life without desire is somewhat a life without achievement. Desire is the propelling force behind achievements, we cannot achieve beyond our desire to work on that thing.
Like desire, patience is the cost of desire, without patience it is impossible to effectively produce the result of your desire.
Patience gives strength to desire while the dept of your desire determines the length to which you are willing to wait to see it achieved.
I have had occasion to undertake projects and at some point, I began to wonder if there really was any need to embark on this project, seeing that there seem to be no result after over one year of waiting, as a Christian I have prayed and trusted God to what looks like no avail, I strongly invested my effort in to doing all that’s needed without any quest to cut corners but to my dismay, every passing day seem to take me away from seeing my dream come through.
Now that’s the way it works, life might never be nice to you when you have such a strong desire to achieve an end, its very easy to ask if we did all there need to be done, I perfectly agree ,because there are lots of us that expect to achieve without doing the needful, however I also believe a lot of us young people do what’s expected and still end up having to get to the point where we ask is there really any point to invest in the project called life.
I will also add that in economies where things seemingly are working, the developed countries I suggest, its easy to see effort as the reward for an objective, its easy to see the working system and say it applies to all, but I beg to disagree that even in America, there are young vibrant minds that invest in projects, long hours and commitment but nothing seem to come out and we ask-is there really any point to invest into this project called life.
The good news is that, desire has a propensity to create the medium for that goal to be achieved; desire is the axe head needed to bring down the results of our months of planning and hard work.
Desire as simple as it is must be tested and to actually ascertain the extent of your faith in the project, we must get to that point where we seem to wonder why the result never seems forthcoming.
Like my project that almost seem like it was not working, there are so many young eager lives that have tried to set standard aimed at reviving their dreams but somewhere along the line, there has been reason to quit, some are on the verge of quitting and I have few words to say to us.
Quitting only affirms the fact that you were never really ready to pay the price of desire, remember the size of your dream often determines the extent to which you’ll have to wait or better said, the cost of your dream is determined by the size of your dream.
When we begin to desire to live decent lives, we begin to desire expensive and difficult test that are meant to determine to what extent we are willing to pursue that objective of living a decent life.
Life has its test for every objective; both the thieves and the good guys face the same challenge of determining to what extent they want to achieve their set objective.
I encourage you to wait, pay the price of desire and see the end of your dream, I am waiting in several areas of my life, I am waiting to see the growth of my business, I am giving time to all that I have set my mind to achieve, because time acts on everything and I believe every one that wait often sees the result of what they have invested in.
Like a relationship, waiting brings the best of people we believe so much in, its often said we wait on a lady to become what we see in her, I believe a lot is said to justify impatience now called decisiveness, we have redefined every opportunity to practice patience as a need to be straight and forward about what we want, not to say been straight and forward is a bad notion but I strongly suggest that advocates of straight and forward should also be quick to remember there a place for patience, I take a look at the lives of great men, presidents of nations and one thing I have discovered is that, as much as the seek to protect the sovereignty of their people, they always take time to consult and then make decision, its not always, we see the government act as swift as the situation might seem to warrant, I also believe this comes with age and experience, I believe; that also is the reason why many nations don’t entrust their leadership into the hands of young men.
There are strategies for war and they might not always be same for every war ,in fact they are never same for any 2 wars so I believe life needs a lot of patience, be patient enough to see your desire come to pass.
That’s the word for the season.
09042008 Time 7.30pm
Negativism
The concept of negativism is an epidemic that drives indecision in young professionals, it’s often said that the quick action spirit of new generation is part of what cripples an economy but an attempt to holdback without prior knowledge of the basic rudiments of caution has evolved a new concept called negativism.
This new spirit in young minds makes it almost impossible to believe in the good of any system.
The close reverse to negativism is optimism even though they are separate in how they operate. Optimism seem to see the silver line in every event but negativism is an inherent refusal to commit due to the possibility of no future success.(Not failure) It is possible to mistake negativism to imply skepticism but unfortunately the skeptic is a lesser evil to the negatively inclined person.
A skeptic understands the process and is less positive to the outcome of that process and might evolve to new possibilities should the process be reviewed but the negativists disregards the process and vehemently seek to oppose the introduction of any system because of the implied certainty that they foresee.
Negativism evolved from an unproductive multiple encounter, its often seen in the lives of high up professionals that have come to see the game called success as a challenge that effort can never attain, whereas you’ll say the eminent success of a high up professional emanated from hard work, he’ll say it’s a function of scheming and politicking thereby enhancing the negativist ideology that “to stay up, you need to cripple the possibilities of others and ensure that there’s no propensity to evolve any system without the battle that eminent in the kill or be killed mentality of street politic.”
Negativism is fast becoming an African concept in politics thereby making it almost impossible to have a constructive argument that is believed to sway voters’ confidence at the polls. Its also finding its way into family, i.e. acceptability of a child is fast becoming a thing determined by the extent of success and the level at which that success is beneficial to the communal hold. This has made the unending force behind corruption almost impossible to conquer.
This new spirit in young minds makes it almost impossible to believe in the good of any system.
The close reverse to negativism is optimism even though they are separate in how they operate. Optimism seem to see the silver line in every event but negativism is an inherent refusal to commit due to the possibility of no future success.(Not failure) It is possible to mistake negativism to imply skepticism but unfortunately the skeptic is a lesser evil to the negatively inclined person.
A skeptic understands the process and is less positive to the outcome of that process and might evolve to new possibilities should the process be reviewed but the negativists disregards the process and vehemently seek to oppose the introduction of any system because of the implied certainty that they foresee.
Negativism evolved from an unproductive multiple encounter, its often seen in the lives of high up professionals that have come to see the game called success as a challenge that effort can never attain, whereas you’ll say the eminent success of a high up professional emanated from hard work, he’ll say it’s a function of scheming and politicking thereby enhancing the negativist ideology that “to stay up, you need to cripple the possibilities of others and ensure that there’s no propensity to evolve any system without the battle that eminent in the kill or be killed mentality of street politic.”
Negativism is fast becoming an African concept in politics thereby making it almost impossible to have a constructive argument that is believed to sway voters’ confidence at the polls. Its also finding its way into family, i.e. acceptability of a child is fast becoming a thing determined by the extent of success and the level at which that success is beneficial to the communal hold. This has made the unending force behind corruption almost impossible to conquer.
Separation
Separation is key to personal discovery of ones identity.
To effectively refine any substance, it needs to under go separation either via heat or a solution that can identify the various substances contained in the chunk of material to allow for single out of each mater, some for keeps while others for disposal.
There is an attitude of separation required to evolve a family out of a single pple. Separation is an agent for development of new ideology and greatness.
To understand the necessity for separation in the process of psychological evolution of a unit, you’ll need to see understudy the correlation between growth and external colonialism of a personality.
Colonialism is a principal agent for limiting a pple from self discovery while separation is the needed ingredient for the same pple to fashion out a way to fight the colonial stronghold. Pressure groups are products of a psychological rebirth achieved during the time of separation.
Every change seek to negate the way a system is been run, for change to begin, the opposing agent must undergo separation so as to understand the nitty-gritty of what is required to effect this change.
In Africa, there is a hold on the single life of it citizenry by the communal culture which of course has it positive end, but currently it makes it impossible to understand the level of capacity available to either initiate the process for a change. Africans are fast becoming spectators in the development process of their communities; this is eminent in the inability of an African born educated mind to break away into separation to evolve new life.
As seen of various areas:
Business: Its amazing to see the number of Africans that reside in the comfort zone simply because they cant afford to separate to begin a venture until they have all the green lights; contrary to the global understanding that the lights might never all go green for any entrepreneur.
Separation in Africa by igonoh Godwin May@2009
To effectively refine any substance, it needs to under go separation either via heat or a solution that can identify the various substances contained in the chunk of material to allow for single out of each mater, some for keeps while others for disposal.
There is an attitude of separation required to evolve a family out of a single pple. Separation is an agent for development of new ideology and greatness.
To understand the necessity for separation in the process of psychological evolution of a unit, you’ll need to see understudy the correlation between growth and external colonialism of a personality.
Colonialism is a principal agent for limiting a pple from self discovery while separation is the needed ingredient for the same pple to fashion out a way to fight the colonial stronghold. Pressure groups are products of a psychological rebirth achieved during the time of separation.
Every change seek to negate the way a system is been run, for change to begin, the opposing agent must undergo separation so as to understand the nitty-gritty of what is required to effect this change.
In Africa, there is a hold on the single life of it citizenry by the communal culture which of course has it positive end, but currently it makes it impossible to understand the level of capacity available to either initiate the process for a change. Africans are fast becoming spectators in the development process of their communities; this is eminent in the inability of an African born educated mind to break away into separation to evolve new life.
As seen of various areas:
Business: Its amazing to see the number of Africans that reside in the comfort zone simply because they cant afford to separate to begin a venture until they have all the green lights; contrary to the global understanding that the lights might never all go green for any entrepreneur.
Separation in Africa by igonoh Godwin May@2009
HOW DO YOU CHECK FOR ImPOtENCy?
There are many laws in our generation that suggest how to deal with issues in relationships, if fact you’ll often hear them say you need to ensure you cover all angles to avoid making a mistake and one of such is the areas of making sure a guy you date is not promiscuous. Well our review today is on a particular situation that happened recently.
A lady met a guy and they feel in love like we always do, it went well and they even planned a wedding. The preliminaries of seeing parents and all other people involved began and just when everything was in high gear, something happened………
You see I don’t like putting laws because with every law comes an opening for error, this lady like most of us live alone, so the guy comes around and they hangout and gist and watch movies and so on and if you can imagine, a girl you’ll be wedding in few months, if you’re not careful which most of us are not, you’ll feel like touching and bla bla bla,well that was the case, from the peripheries to the point where she almost gave in, in fact she had let go, it was now time too have sex, she’ll say you know when you have agreed to his demand…..she had agreed and it was just time, they had undressed but…….the lights went out. Not Electricity, I mean the guy just couldn’t get it up, but being the first time, he just gathered himself and they got dressed and that night passed.
She said it was so obvious something was wrong but there was no way to verify, so she got worried, she spoke with a friend who I must say was a bit blunt about what to do, she told her …this next time, you make the move to have sex with him, so she went back to this her hubby to be, she pushed for sex and like most guys he was giving in but he just couldn’t get it up……wao now it was clear, he cried and the story goes…….
Anyway she said she asked herself one question, can I live without sex in marriage? Her answer was NO, so she backed out.
Here’s the question she asked me and I ask you too, how do you check for potency in a guy before marriage and if you don’t, what do you do if you realize he is impotent?
Many people would expect that the guy should be frank and tell the girl but from what I gathered, this guy felt bad he made a move on the girl, indicating he wanted it kept secrete till after the wedding….So what do you do as a lady to verify some private issues before you say I do, knowing fully well that the integrity of a relationship is often tailored towards no sex before marriage, its also highly recommended by our spirituality that sex before marriage is ungodly.
This issue is only a pointer that there are many things we might never really get a full view of in a relationship, that does not in any way imply we cant get through them but it simply means we need to deal with the possibility that there are few things that might not meet our expectations and its ok to understand this but the issue is to what extent can we deal with the issues and what areas are we looking at; as some people have said their sexuality is a vital part of their relationship and issues about such areas are often treated as high priority.
What’s your opinion on this???
A lady met a guy and they feel in love like we always do, it went well and they even planned a wedding. The preliminaries of seeing parents and all other people involved began and just when everything was in high gear, something happened………
You see I don’t like putting laws because with every law comes an opening for error, this lady like most of us live alone, so the guy comes around and they hangout and gist and watch movies and so on and if you can imagine, a girl you’ll be wedding in few months, if you’re not careful which most of us are not, you’ll feel like touching and bla bla bla,well that was the case, from the peripheries to the point where she almost gave in, in fact she had let go, it was now time too have sex, she’ll say you know when you have agreed to his demand…..she had agreed and it was just time, they had undressed but…….the lights went out. Not Electricity, I mean the guy just couldn’t get it up, but being the first time, he just gathered himself and they got dressed and that night passed.
She said it was so obvious something was wrong but there was no way to verify, so she got worried, she spoke with a friend who I must say was a bit blunt about what to do, she told her …this next time, you make the move to have sex with him, so she went back to this her hubby to be, she pushed for sex and like most guys he was giving in but he just couldn’t get it up……wao now it was clear, he cried and the story goes…….
Anyway she said she asked herself one question, can I live without sex in marriage? Her answer was NO, so she backed out.
Here’s the question she asked me and I ask you too, how do you check for potency in a guy before marriage and if you don’t, what do you do if you realize he is impotent?
Many people would expect that the guy should be frank and tell the girl but from what I gathered, this guy felt bad he made a move on the girl, indicating he wanted it kept secrete till after the wedding….So what do you do as a lady to verify some private issues before you say I do, knowing fully well that the integrity of a relationship is often tailored towards no sex before marriage, its also highly recommended by our spirituality that sex before marriage is ungodly.
This issue is only a pointer that there are many things we might never really get a full view of in a relationship, that does not in any way imply we cant get through them but it simply means we need to deal with the possibility that there are few things that might not meet our expectations and its ok to understand this but the issue is to what extent can we deal with the issues and what areas are we looking at; as some people have said their sexuality is a vital part of their relationship and issues about such areas are often treated as high priority.
What’s your opinion on this???
Look at him AGAIN
There are normally no clear signs to indicate when a lady is ready or not, people write books and articles to state a person’s readiness, I want to strongly believe that it’s almost impossible to pin point the readiness of either a guy or a girl…..
I’ve heard people say that for a guy, the moment he’s ready he just decided to settle down with whoever it is he’s with at that time, while for a lady its said that she wants to feel and love and all that, well there are a lot of sayings regarding how each sex handles the time for settling down.
Let us briefly look at few things.
For those who argue that guys just settle with whoever it is they are with, I think you must have your facts wrong as you need to see the amount of effort that goes into a man deciding to settle down, most guys don’t just settle, we might never have it all together, in that the lady of a mans dream might never emerge but trust me when I say a guy looks at some fundamental point before he settles with a lady i.e. what kind of principle constitute her orientation, do they support his vision and so on, when he feel most ideals compliment his vision but there are few things he still don’t like, a guy would most time talk it out with the lady and upon such redress, he settles. I have a friend who never stopped complaining about the girl he was about to marry, I always told him to put the issues on the table and begin a discussion that would address the concerns, I never suggested he quit because I knew he had issues too, I saw that the best way to deal with this complain was not get solutions from me but sit with the lady and deal with the issues that make it impossible for him to take the next step.
Why is it good to bring these issues up? discussing this issues makes it possible for both parties to remember that this things were dealt with before marriage and at such when the come up again, the person propelling the error would always have away of remembering that he or she had always complained about this habit in me. Look the redressing of little issues before settling down is something most men I know do lately to help the time ahead.
Love is part of it I’ll say for a man to settle down, planning is part of it too and how well he sees the girl’s principles complimenting his mental image of a decent home are equally a vital part of what pushes him to settle with who ever he is with. If this last point is missing, a guy would never decide..
Its been said that a lady must feel, well that’s a good thing but it has no weight as we have seen a lot of people decide to do the right thing even though they never really felt at that point it was the best thing to do, I am naturally not a fan of a too elaborate idea(Over imagination that seek to create a perfect being) of who one can and cant love, as a matter of fact I believe love is a façade to an immature mind, the feeling of love is something that I cant see as good enough to help anyone decide on who to be with, because feelings as true as they are can lie to us too.
I feel like not going to work today doesn’t mean I won’t. feeling like he’s not a good guy don’t mean he’s not, feelings are subject to change at different points in the life of a lady, so she feels on the edge when on her monthly……that don’t mean she’s always on the edge. the life of a lady is more complex than that of a guy so the issue of choice of who to date would require more attention than a guy would naturally expect, we have so many books that seek to shape a lady’s mind but I beg to say its almost impossible to box any girl into how to see a guy and how not to, in fact what most books might end up doing to a lady is confuse you and make the idea of a man so complex that when confronted by a man on a simple date, you feel the earth is moving off your feet and you don’t know what to decide, that’s a result of too much information conflicting in your mind on who the right guy should be.
Have you not heard so many stories about failed relationships as a lady that you begin to wonder if yours would ever work yet I need you to ask yourself why those who complain about the complex nature of marriage have not packed their load and walked out of the marriage? Look dear, there are so many people involved with people who they feel are not right, most of them never tell you completely why the took that decision but they would be quick to let you know how bad men are and how you might never meet a good guy…..and how its only God that can help, they would always put that God part to make their submission worthy of your attention, look you need to begin to invest into more positive arguments about men as that might be the only way you can help the doubt, fear and unbelief you have living in you. I need to remind you-lady, about the steps you take to get a descent job, you learn about the existing companies and you apply and believe that these companies are worth your effort, you don’t sit with the people who hate such job rather you listen to people who have good stories to tell about these jobs and they encourage you on what to do. How come when you want to furnish your library with details of how to relate with a man or make a choice, your first point of call is the person that has nothing to show, its always believed that those married, have a better feel of what you should expect, I say that’s a lie, those married are too busy to understand in totality what and how they are doing because many of them just forge ahead.
Its not possible for any one person to tell you what to expect base on their own marriage, I cannot ever by virtue of my vision for what am doing.(Building lives) say to you here’s what to expect. There’re so many mis information in the current African context about how the right guy should be. Ladies need to be careful not to be using another lady’s wrong encounters to deprive you of meeting decent men
I met a lady who said she cant trust men because she’s been battered one too many time, I told her there’s a lady who was raped by a group of men-robbers….and today she’s more positive about men than ever, ask her why and she’ll say its not possible to assess men with the quality of men that raped her, now that’s a good approach, its really not possible to assess men with the quality of men that hurt your friends or whoever, if you begin to say all men are the same, you’ve just left the door open for any lady’s opinion about men to come in handy in your pursuit to develop a good ideal of who men are.
Let me remind you of what the good book say, it says guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life, as plain as I can, I see that verse to mean you need to be careful what you listen to, the perception of a person is developed by the quality of information you listen to.
I believe many ladies are victims of a poorly furnished mind, they allow too much of the wrong encounter to help shape their mind so its almost impossible to meet the right guy and know he’s good for them, even when they finally meet a guy, its done with the wrong outlook, I have friends who thought they could use the appearance of a man to determine his sense of responsibility, another tried using the size of his pocket, another used delay to determine his desire for her, all were wrong.
The lady who used appearance got married and they guy beat her, the other that used pocket size married and they guy is never home, the other that used delay married and they guy moved on to finding another thing to conquer.
I however have another friend how decided on a guy based on the little details…like he wanted to start his own business, he like talking to me, he is a Christian, he talk about things when they go wrong…..well she’s married too and every time we meet, its just a simple life she’ll say. Now don’t we all wish we can say that? If you ask me, her husband is not a perfect guy, he gets upset too even before talking about the issues, he procrastinate about doing business too but he wants to do it anyway…..there are so many things he still don’t do right but she never dwell on them, she look beyond them and focus on the things that are good and build on that.
When a lady begins to dwell on the details aimed at discouraging yourself about a guy, and then you have an issue because the next guy would be assessed downwards too. Learning to assess upward a person is evident that you’re interested in meeting someone for good. I don’t mean you justify his errors, because there are men that just don’t have any character…however there are a lot of men that have character but might miss a mark in an event…i.e. the way he spoke to you on first day or the way he dresses or the way he behaved with your friends. There are things you can correct, I believe you can fix a thing like how he spoke to you the first time by understanding he might be under pressure, I believe you can correct some impression by talking about it, you don’t completely hang a guy who did not give you present for your birthday or valentine, its shallow of you, have you ever dealt with the fact that he might never have had a birthday or understood valentine….cos only then you’ll see that he’s been battered from him past by lack of exposure to some things like birthday. Or may be he feels insecure about the kind of gift he should give you. My point is there’s no need to hang a guy for flimsy reasons, however if he talks down at you or he feel a woman should never have an opinion in matters about the home, I think you know what to do-WALK, just make sure you separate the strong point from the shallow movie tales you’ve been made to believe is love. Just in line with shallow movie tales, my friend’s girl friend called and said he don’t kiss me outside and he don’t hold me…..hahahahahah,well I told her to look at the guy again, if that’s all you see is wrong then you need to go check yourself because from what I gathered, the guy was raised by an elder of a local church and he feels he cant do that until they are married, now that issue was dealt with the moment she understood where the guy was coming from.
A lady might never get a prompt from anyone to tell her its time to choose this guy or that guy, in fact a lady might never get her friends to help in much, and it’s very common to see a lady unknowingly subjecting herself to the collective opinion of her friends without knowing its hindering her. If you spend a lot of time with friends, you’ll know that they add without knowing to what you think about men, I met a lady who invited me to a small meeting, at the meeting we had all her friends, it was lovely hearing them air their views on men, after the meeting I realized that a lot of them had a plan B, each girl often go back to deal with their need to meet a guy using independent and personal view without looking at what their friends expect, so for the lady who hold unto what friends say should be done with a man, she’ll only wait as each friend get hooked up and keep saying Na God o, they never say more than that, so I say each lady need to develop an independent view of what a guy she want should be like and try as much as possible to keep friends opinion at the minimum because they wont be living with you after all.
How do you know its time or if it’s the right guy, look at him again, I asked my grand ma what kind of man should a girl marry…she said a man that like her more…meaning the guy should like you more and not the one you like the most. She said a lady would grow to love a man but a man would only need to keep up what he’s already had for you so if you go after a guy that you like, you’ll be shocked you’ll need to keep going after him all your life. Be wise, look again at the guy that’s all over you and be ready to build with him. Read book but take the good lessons and ignore the part of their private encounters that don’t in anyway aid your build up, there are errors people commit that you already have capacity to deal with so don’t let such experiences make you into a skeptic on man issues.
Pray….when I say pray I mean commit your ways unto God and he will direct your part, that don’t mean you don’t have to do anything, praying is only good when you have faith to understand the God will answer, for there are many ladies who pray and God send a reply but they cant believe this can be the reply for their request….it’s said that the best gift come in the wrong pack..
There’s a place for working to reveal the best of each person, the guy must work to bring out the best in you, same with a lady, don’t think you’ll get a perfect man from the store, look at him again and get to work. If he loves you, he’s worth another look.
I wish us all the best.
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