THE BIG PICTURE OF YOUR PAST

In the big picture of your experience, the solution to many of the present relational issues are hidden in the dark pages of past relationships we seek to totally forget. Isn’t it so funny that the best place to hide a solution to glaring problems is the place we’ll gladly reject an invitation to attend-heart breaks.

Within the dark pages of your heart breaks lies the wisdom thread (thin small hint of what you did wrong that cost you the most intended precious love you where building) to the most certain possibility of avoiding the next heart break; by simply looking into whatever it was that ended that relationship and looking at it without any bias, we might isolate the part that would help you become a better person.

Heart breaks hold the keys to stable relationship at much later stages in life. That’s why it becomes very dangerous to get involved with persons that have no story to tell about heart breaks yet you’ll ask why so many persons with lots of heart breaks cannot keep meaningful relationship either at work or within the family, the answer can be found in their continuous refusal to revisit the story of their heart breaks because in it is concealed the solution to their present predicament. The above principle can be easily supported with the popular business module that says an entrepreneur that has not handled the crises of a failed or failing business cannot be regarded as a reliable; because the amount of pressure you’ve handled in practical sense often determine the level of exposure to possible future scenarios. You would also argue that there are certain things in life we have to take lessons from other people’s lives and probably relationship to you are meant to be one of such but I beg to also remind you that there are practical lessons that no amount of explanations or study of another persons life can give full knowledge of. I.e. a girl in love can never explain in words to her friends how it feels. Similarly the positive advantage of a broken heart can only be seen in those who have being able to revisit the events that transcended in that relationship and view them as lessons rather than a snare. For so many as a result of stories told by broken hearted people; have faced the fear of getting involved thereby finding themselves in a rather worse state than those with hearts broken, for the fear of the unknown is often worse off than the things itself. Relationships are meant to be eye openers to the realities of life which I believe are needed to deal with other more demanding phases of our lives.

In mentoring it’s believed that a mentor can only give what he or she has a good knowledge of and I doubt if you’ll be able to properly mentor your kids in the face of the lingering fear you face by not stepping beyond the bitter encounters you’ve had in the past.

Look at the brighter side of your heart break; it caused you to be hardened, not to refuse the future expression of love but to ensure you express those feelings to the right persons.
Failure according to John Maxwell is the stepping stone to greater heights. Similarly we need to begin to see the issues that confront us in relationship scenarios as part of what develops us in holistic perspective.

The bigger picture of every event in your life would help deal with present fears that present it self whenever you seek to make decisions. I don’t expect you to jump in and out of relationship but I also don’t expect you to dwell on the bitter experience of the past and refuse to take new step, sometimes in trying to forestall events of the past from occurring in the future, we introduce very stringent measures so no one can access us, its more like we build a wall around ourselves hoping whoever can crack the wall would be worth giving our heart to but I say; that’s as wrong as not learning any lesson from what ever hurt you in the past relationship. A lesson learnt only makes you more refined and helps position you properly to make decisions without bitterness. It’s more like the skeptic is a realist gone thru fire and is bunt while an optimist is a realist gone through fire and is refined.

Your encounters are not any different from that of the girl next door neither are the different from the man above the ladder, the only obvious difference is the perspective from which both look at it.

Every story of a broken heart often leaves out the positive side of the break up, be it as it may, you can hardly be sure of the story; seeing that only one person is available to tell the story and its often a hurting person, but if you ever have the opportunity to hear both sides of a break up, you’ll realize both side have a good claim to whatever it is they fight to establish.

I spend time talking to a lot of young people and all I get is what the other person did wrong or what he or she didn’t do right, of course we get the “I know I had my own faults” once in a while but its very clear the objective of the person sitting right in front of me is to blame at the expense of taking responsibility for whatever went wrong.

I get questions like what do I do next? And I always say WAIT..because if anyone every comes looking for a solution to their heart break, I believe the cure is in the last relationship they’re not willing to deal with and please I need you to understand that dealing with the past is not about saying I’ve dealt with it, because I meet people who claim to have dealt with their past on this issue but the moment the issues resurfaces, the amount of energy the exert on showcasing that other party as wrong obviously shows there’s still a lot of bitterness they have not let go of and its almost impossible to advice them to move into another relationship without first clearing the backlog of issues hanging of their heads.

Your ability to see the good side of your past heart break at the expense of the negative side which always presents itself determine whether or not you did see the good in the past heart break.

The objective of specific failure is to prepare you in isolation to deal with other attempt by future events to drag you into total failure.

A sum of all isolated events is your life assessment and it can either be good or failed so rather than see isolated events as the totality of your life, I suggest you begin to understand those events as singulars that need to be studied to forestall their reoccurrence.

I was able to deal with my broken hearts only after I began to see them as part of what made me strong, my story with Lisa only got better; in that the moment I started to see the events as building me to become a more stable person, it became easy for me to let go and at that point I began to get busy doing other things rather than dwelling in the possible reasons for Lisa’s silence thereby building new thought pattern which where rather too unhealthy for me at that point.

At every point in your life, you need to refocus your attention on the good that comes from whatever seemingly negative encounter you’re facing. Its called bringing closure, this is what great men like Darwin where known for; in that at every point of his life as a scientist, he failed in isolated events but it never stopped him from pressing on to study how to make a light bulb.