Look at him AGAIN

There are normally no clear signs to indicate when a lady is ready or not, people write books and articles to state a person’s readiness, I want to strongly believe that it’s almost impossible to pin point the readiness of either a guy or a girl…..

I’ve heard people say that for a guy, the moment he’s ready he just decided to settle down with whoever it is he’s with at that time, while for a lady its said that she wants to feel and love and all that, well there are a lot of sayings regarding how each sex handles the time for settling down.

Let us briefly look at few things.

For those who argue that guys just settle with whoever it is they are with, I think you must have your facts wrong as you need to see the amount of effort that goes into a man deciding to settle down, most guys don’t just settle, we might never have it all together, in that the lady of a mans dream might never emerge but trust me when I say a guy looks at some fundamental point before he settles with a lady i.e. what kind of principle constitute her orientation, do they support his vision and so on, when he feel most ideals compliment his vision but there are few things he still don’t like, a guy would most time talk it out with the lady and upon such redress, he settles. I have a friend who never stopped complaining about the girl he was about to marry, I always told him to put the issues on the table and begin a discussion that would address the concerns, I never suggested he quit because I knew he had issues too, I saw that the best way to deal with this complain was not get solutions from me but sit with the lady and deal with the issues that make it impossible for him to take the next step.

Why is it good to bring these issues up? discussing this issues makes it possible for both parties to remember that this things were dealt with before marriage and at such when the come up again, the person propelling the error would always have away of remembering that he or she had always complained about this habit in me. Look the redressing of little issues before settling down is something most men I know do lately to help the time ahead.

Love is part of it I’ll say for a man to settle down, planning is part of it too and how well he sees the girl’s principles complimenting his mental image of a decent home are equally a vital part of what pushes him to settle with who ever he is with. If this last point is missing, a guy would never decide..

Its been said that a lady must feel, well that’s a good thing but it has no weight as we have seen a lot of people decide to do the right thing even though they never really felt at that point it was the best thing to do, I am naturally not a fan of a too elaborate idea(Over imagination that seek to create a perfect being) of who one can and cant love, as a matter of fact I believe love is a façade to an immature mind, the feeling of love is something that I cant see as good enough to help anyone decide on who to be with, because feelings as true as they are can lie to us too.

I feel like not going to work today doesn’t mean I won’t. feeling like he’s not a good guy don’t mean he’s not, feelings are subject to change at different points in the life of a lady, so she feels on the edge when on her monthly……that don’t mean she’s always on the edge. the life of a lady is more complex than that of a guy so the issue of choice of who to date would require more attention than a guy would naturally expect, we have so many books that seek to shape a lady’s mind but I beg to say its almost impossible to box any girl into how to see a guy and how not to, in fact what most books might end up doing to a lady is confuse you and make the idea of a man so complex that when confronted by a man on a simple date, you feel the earth is moving off your feet and you don’t know what to decide, that’s a result of too much information conflicting in your mind on who the right guy should be.

Have you not heard so many stories about failed relationships as a lady that you begin to wonder if yours would ever work yet I need you to ask yourself why those who complain about the complex nature of marriage have not packed their load and walked out of the marriage? Look dear, there are so many people involved with people who they feel are not right, most of them never tell you completely why the took that decision but they would be quick to let you know how bad men are and how you might never meet a good guy…..and how its only God that can help, they would always put that God part to make their submission worthy of your attention, look you need to begin to invest into more positive arguments about men as that might be the only way you can help the doubt, fear and unbelief you have living in you. I need to remind you-lady, about the steps you take to get a descent job, you learn about the existing companies and you apply and believe that these companies are worth your effort, you don’t sit with the people who hate such job rather you listen to people who have good stories to tell about these jobs and they encourage you on what to do. How come when you want to furnish your library with details of how to relate with a man or make a choice, your first point of call is the person that has nothing to show, its always believed that those married, have a better feel of what you should expect, I say that’s a lie, those married are too busy to understand in totality what and how they are doing because many of them just forge ahead.

Its not possible for any one person to tell you what to expect base on their own marriage, I cannot ever by virtue of my vision for what am doing.(Building lives) say to you here’s what to expect. There’re so many mis information in the current African context about how the right guy should be. Ladies need to be careful not to be using another lady’s wrong encounters to deprive you of meeting decent men

I met a lady who said she cant trust men because she’s been battered one too many time, I told her there’s a lady who was raped by a group of men-robbers….and today she’s more positive about men than ever, ask her why and she’ll say its not possible to assess men with the quality of men that raped her, now that’s a good approach, its really not possible to assess men with the quality of men that hurt your friends or whoever, if you begin to say all men are the same, you’ve just left the door open for any lady’s opinion about men to come in handy in your pursuit to develop a good ideal of who men are.

Let me remind you of what the good book say, it says guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life, as plain as I can, I see that verse to mean you need to be careful what you listen to, the perception of a person is developed by the quality of information you listen to.

I believe many ladies are victims of a poorly furnished mind, they allow too much of the wrong encounter to help shape their mind so its almost impossible to meet the right guy and know he’s good for them, even when they finally meet a guy, its done with the wrong outlook, I have friends who thought they could use the appearance of a man to determine his sense of responsibility, another tried using the size of his pocket, another used delay to determine his desire for her, all were wrong.

The lady who used appearance got married and they guy beat her, the other that used pocket size married and they guy is never home, the other that used delay married and they guy moved on to finding another thing to conquer.

I however have another friend how decided on a guy based on the little details…like he wanted to start his own business, he like talking to me, he is a Christian, he talk about things when they go wrong…..well she’s married too and every time we meet, its just a simple life she’ll say. Now don’t we all wish we can say that? If you ask me, her husband is not a perfect guy, he gets upset too even before talking about the issues, he procrastinate about doing business too but he wants to do it anyway…..there are so many things he still don’t do right but she never dwell on them, she look beyond them and focus on the things that are good and build on that.

When a lady begins to dwell on the details aimed at discouraging yourself about a guy, and then you have an issue because the next guy would be assessed downwards too. Learning to assess upward a person is evident that you’re interested in meeting someone for good. I don’t mean you justify his errors, because there are men that just don’t have any character…however there are a lot of men that have character but might miss a mark in an event…i.e. the way he spoke to you on first day or the way he dresses or the way he behaved with your friends. There are things you can correct, I believe you can fix a thing like how he spoke to you the first time by understanding he might be under pressure, I believe you can correct some impression by talking about it, you don’t completely hang a guy who did not give you present for your birthday or valentine, its shallow of you, have you ever dealt with the fact that he might never have had a birthday or understood valentine….cos only then you’ll see that he’s been battered from him past by lack of exposure to some things like birthday. Or may be he feels insecure about the kind of gift he should give you. My point is there’s no need to hang a guy for flimsy reasons, however if he talks down at you or he feel a woman should never have an opinion in matters about the home, I think you know what to do-WALK, just make sure you separate the strong point from the shallow movie tales you’ve been made to believe is love. Just in line with shallow movie tales, my friend’s girl friend called and said he don’t kiss me outside and he don’t hold me…..hahahahahah,well I told her to look at the guy again, if that’s all you see is wrong then you need to go check yourself because from what I gathered, the guy was raised by an elder of a local church and he feels he cant do that until they are married, now that issue was dealt with the moment she understood where the guy was coming from.

A lady might never get a prompt from anyone to tell her its time to choose this guy or that guy, in fact a lady might never get her friends to help in much, and it’s very common to see a lady unknowingly subjecting herself to the collective opinion of her friends without knowing its hindering her. If you spend a lot of time with friends, you’ll know that they add without knowing to what you think about men, I met a lady who invited me to a small meeting, at the meeting we had all her friends, it was lovely hearing them air their views on men, after the meeting I realized that a lot of them had a plan B, each girl often go back to deal with their need to meet a guy using independent and personal view without looking at what their friends expect, so for the lady who hold unto what friends say should be done with a man, she’ll only wait as each friend get hooked up and keep saying Na God o, they never say more than that, so I say each lady need to develop an independent view of what a guy she want should be like and try as much as possible to keep friends opinion at the minimum because they wont be living with you after all.

How do you know its time or if it’s the right guy, look at him again, I asked my grand ma what kind of man should a girl marry…she said a man that like her more…meaning the guy should like you more and not the one you like the most. She said a lady would grow to love a man but a man would only need to keep up what he’s already had for you so if you go after a guy that you like, you’ll be shocked you’ll need to keep going after him all your life. Be wise, look again at the guy that’s all over you and be ready to build with him. Read book but take the good lessons and ignore the part of their private encounters that don’t in anyway aid your build up, there are errors people commit that you already have capacity to deal with so don’t let such experiences make you into a skeptic on man issues.

Pray….when I say pray I mean commit your ways unto God and he will direct your part, that don’t mean you don’t have to do anything, praying is only good when you have faith to understand the God will answer, for there are many ladies who pray and God send a reply but they cant believe this can be the reply for their request….it’s said that the best gift come in the wrong pack..

There’s a place for working to reveal the best of each person, the guy must work to bring out the best in you, same with a lady, don’t think you’ll get a perfect man from the store, look at him again and get to work. If he loves you, he’s worth another look.

I wish us all the best.